HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!!
7/10/2025
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since december 2024, i have lost them: Madison, Laila, Addison, Cadance, Trey, Lamar, almost Aliyah, and probably more. i have been manipulated, used, shunned. Some of these people hated i didnt like them back, some hurt my other friends. some ghosted me. there are other people i cant get close to for religous reasons or for the reason they they are too busy or too far away. i cant get a break of it. everyone i meet ends up not liking me enough to stay. its always been like this though. since i was old enough to interact with people. i hated others having control over me, so i tried to control them. in 3rd grade my best friend gossiped about me to the other 'popular' girls and basically got rid of me. i then got my first actual and best friend ever. i still miss her. she ended up getting into drugs and 'seeing demons'. she used to get cops called on her and her new gang. not really new anymore its been years. but then i got a group of friends like me. they liked what i liked. but not me. i was annoying. i know i was. but i didnt realize it at the time. i ended up idolizing the leader of the group. they picked a character from an anime to 'be'. that was our 'club' as we called it. i chose the character supposedly closest to the one they picked. well eventually i changed it because i was ignored. then again. now middle school. i was passed around with rumors and people hating me. it was possibly the worst year. actually i take it back. 7th was the worst. it was also the best. i was heartbroken so bad once i cried for 2 hours straight and almost passed out. my heart almost stopped beating. that same girl though, i begged her to take me back. it took 2 years but she did. then she manipulated and gaslighted me the whole time. that was december.
06/30/2025
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chapter 1 officially is being created. heres a frame leak
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My friend called Borakai "Boring guy"
06/20/2025
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It feels weird here. like normally i feel like i cant do anything normally. i guess its the new layout. this time its much easier to use my phone out of sight. i like to say im tired and head to my room at around 10 so i can use it until 2 or 3 am. then i wake up from 6 to 9 and use it until 10 to 12. i have to go back to the livingroom now.
05/07/2025
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I'm not sure how long i have left to edit this site. ill probably have to log out for a while because of my dad. he still might see all of this anyways so i might want to unlink it. He likes going through my things and if he starts reading things on here its game over for me. I just convinced him to replace taking my camp with some essay thing i dont even know the details about. i dont feel like i really even did anythinng. it was really only i lied about a packet, got a bad grade on it, then got a 90 on my final and now i have an 85 instead of 86 in english. I dont know if hes keeping my apps turned on still or if he just forgot to turn them back off but i really hope he lets me use it during the summer.
06/03/2025
Sometimes in social groups when i have one main friend and most or the rest are friends with that person i feel like im a bother. i cant help it, ive always been that way. I have a friend right now that ive gotten close to and weve called every day for the pas probably week at this point. today we were playing a game and 2 of her friends were there. she was being really silly and interacting with them alot. any time i talked she did pay attention at least once but she almost immediately looked away to the others. maybe im just not being interactive enough like i was before. maybe im just jealous. that reminds me... same day, today. she texted me asking if i was jealous. i know it was a joke but i really wanted to say yes. it wasnt that bad but i was already in a bad mood and still am. then when all i said was ":( 💔" she asked what was wrong. i told her i was sad, she asked why, and when i told her about the camp she was really dismissive about it as if she didnt care anymore. its probably just me because i tend to see peoples actions as thinking less of me, especially when they show lots of care before. its probably because im a leo. shes also a leo. youd think then that she would know the feeling. maybe she does, but she definitely doesnt act upon it. so whatever. i really hope she sees this because i know she looks at ny site. ill probably link it to the home page. the only sad thing is that she doesnt really read.
05/30/2025
im tired and hungry (1:56 am)
05/22/2025
ive been dissasociating lately. maybe its because im getting back into Ranfren. no that can't be it. its probably because im going back to my dads in maximum 3 weeks. i dont like him.
05/17/2025
soo theres some guy i met and hes kinda really weird but also really fun so im in a pickle
04/28/2025
A certain friend of mine called Bora "Mr. Alien" and Mally "Miss Brat"
04/24/2025